“When the period of depression comes, I cannot and do not want to do anything, just sleep, ” says 36-year-old Olga. Forcing yourself to get out of bed to take the child to kindergarten and then lie back is one of the few plans for the day. A young, physically healthy woman spends the day in bed, no strength no matter what. Depression is one of the most severe conditions inherent in humans.
Fortunately, psychologists and psychotherapists have learned how to effectively correct it, and a lot of material has been written about this. But let’s try to consider the state of depression at the household level, because, like any serious condition, especially protracted, depression has its “secondary benefits”, which are quite clearly visible in everyday life. If realized, these benefits can become “growth points” and help a person get out of a state of depression.
One of the signs of a depressed state is a breakdown, “inability” to do, implement, reduce productivity, activity. Depression gives the “green light” the opportunity to live life at half strength: since I have depression, I stop playing sports, I can not change my job to more interesting work, drop out of school, do not take care of my child, do not participate in his life.
Depression is a legal way of avoiding full participation in life, and the “excuse” is for both himself and others. It becomes a normal situation, for example, to spend the whole day at home, not to go out at all, while even household chores – cleaning, cooking, caring for a child, become a burden. If a person works, then the work is carried out without enthusiasm, “for show”, there can be no talk of full inclusion. Yes, there is no strength and energy, they go to heavy internal processes, but over time it becomes a profitable and “legitimate” reason to step back from work and responsibilities. If this is realized, then the goal – to return to full activity and productivity – can be a powerful incentive to return to normal energy levels and exit from depression.
With depression, a person breaks contact with reality. Those forces that normally should go into interaction with the real world are spent on deep inner experiences and living life for the most part within oneself, in one’s fantasies, fears, and negative emotions. A person becomes “absent” – contact is broken, during communication it is noticeable that he is “cooking” in his thoughts, reactions are inhibited, often inadequate: for example, he answers inappropriately, does not hear the question, does not end the phrase.
Enormous energy leaves for inner experiences. At the same time, “real”, everyday problems, issues that need to be solved, close people who require participation, care, attention, remain “with nothing”. Depression allows, again , “legally”, for the person himself, first of all, to live in the inner world and to avoid solving ordinary, everyday, “earthly” issues. And after all , there is energy , but it is wasted “inside”, nothing remains for the real world.
I would like to touch on the issue of responsibility, because a depressed state “automatically” removes responsibility from a person for his own life and transfers it to other people – to relatives who should take maximum care and provide for life, to doctors prescribing treatment, or just to the situation in the country, the dollar exchange rate, unemployment, bad luck … A person in depression is very passive about his life situation, avoids making decisions – even if everyone decides for him, he is not capable of it.
The desire to return to reality, to one’s vital responsibility is also a powerful “growth point”, and here too we are talking about very mundane, everyday things. Cooking, if you abandoned it, take care of the material – no one canceled the need to provide for yourself, clean the apartment, keep track of things, creating comfort, tidy yourself up and so on …
If you start to consider the areas of your responsibility and gradually “return” them to yourself, becoming more involved in your life, spending more and more time in reality, you can give yourself a powerful resource to get out of a depressed state.