14 Ways to Improve the CBS Election

November 20, 2014  //  By: Daniel Bell-Hooks  //  DISCUSS, ON CAMPUS, Uncategorized  //  No Comment

1. Exit polls.

Imagine if after some lectures during the election week, students would be surveyed on who they were voting for.
We’d know throughout the week how each of the candidates were doing! There would be a degree of transparency! We could tweet about it and stuff! THINK OF THE POSSIBILITIES.

2. Celebrity candidates!

source: BuzzFeed Politics

Look at this little girl. Look at how excited she is. Look at Hillary Clinton.
We could be that little girl, man.

3. Live, televised debates.

It’s not like they’re using DR K for anything interesting, anyway.

4. Live, televised fistfights!

No clue about the context of this GIF, but it would be awesome.

5. More cheap tricks!

In most elections, the incumbent party will do all they can to tilt the playing field in their own favour. While this might not be the most fair way of going about things, it sure is entertaining.

6. Let Edward Ashbee moderate the election events. All of them.

Why, you ask?

Because Edward Ashbee is the Richard Quest of Copenhagen.
Because Edward Ashbee has a pleasant accent.
Because  Edward Ashbee expertly juggled two retired army generals, two Danish journalists, and a British academic for two hours while they talked about Ukraine.
Because Edward Ashbee ought to be doing more things.

7. While we’re on the subject… why not consider a benevolent dictatorship? What has democracy done for us lately?

For the IB kids out there:

8. Lobbyism!

You know what our elections have been sorely missing? Corporate interests! How else would fun-loving, free-spirited companies like BP Oil, Monsanto, and the National Rifle Association bypass silly obstructions, such as “rules” or “ethical boundaries?” Remember, it’s not a true democracy unless votes can be purchased to undermine public opinion.

9. Turn it into a Japanese game show!

The world would be a better place.

10. Hire Martin Krasnik to cover the election.

Do you need a level-headed, professional, white man with glasses to cover your election? Should he look like the kind of man your mother might daydream about while watching the evening news?

Well, look no further, Martin Krasnik is your man. Plus, he does kind of look like a young Wolf Blitzer, if you squint your eyes really (like, really) hard.

 11. Hire Fisse Ronni to cover the election.

CBS deserves a hard-hitting, no-holds-barred, investigative journalist to burrow into things around here. A man who holds true to the tenets of honest journalistic reporting, a man unafraid of the slings and arrows of outrageous politicians, a man with the intellect and integrity necessary to navigate the tumultuous seas of the political nethersphere that is Solbjerg Plads.

Fisse Ronni is that man.

12. Ask Anders Fogh Rasmussen to become Student Rep!

Alright, Anders, you’ve been Prime Minister of Denmark, Secretary General of Nato, and you’ve recently founded Rasmussen Global – but have you ever, EVER, been a student representative at Denmark’s foremost business school? DIDN’T THINK SO, FOGH!
Clearly, this is a glaring omission in an otherwise excellent career. You probably won’t have the grade point average to get into International Business, but with your CV, I think you might have a good chance of getting in on quota 2. Good luck!

13. Screw elections – HELL IN A CELL!!

Fundamentally, there are two kinds of people in this world:

1. People who admit it would be awesome to see Daniel Damian and Andreas K Gjede duke it out in a steel cage for two hours.
2. Liars.

14. No improvements necessary – just go vote!

Go to http://www.voteor.dk now – OR THE TERRORISTS WIN!
Seriously, it takes like 30 seconds. And if you don’t, ISIS will come to your house and forcibly institute Sharia Law in your kitchen (citation needed), so hurry up and vote!

We’ll leave you with a note from FDR:

source: izquotes

About the Author : Daniel Bell-Hooks