Liar, liar. Why do we lie to ourselves and why it is better not to do it

Scientists periodically try to calculate how many times a day a person lies. The spread is decent: from 3 to 200 times. We lie in response to mundane questions like “How are you?” so as not to burden others with our problems. Time about what we think and feel in order to look “normal”. And sometimes time to yourself, so as not to notice the unpleasant.

It is hardly possible to live by the principle “only the truth and nothing but the truth.” But to look at your lie and understand what lies behind it is curious. Shall we try?

Lies about yourself

Imagine a child who is angry at his father for never being home. Growing up, he learns that “it’s not good to be angry”, and even more so – at his father. Everyone around them says that if he loves dad, then he should not be angry.

But feelings need to be put somewhere, and the child begins to get angry with himself. Subjects himself to self-flagellation: I’m bad, a loser, I’m no good. There is sadness, despondency, depression.

The moment a person starts calling anger sadness, he starts lying to himself. Admitting the truth (that this is anger at his father) is painful and “wrong”, so he continues to substitute concepts. After a while, he forgets that this is a lie and sincerely believes that he is suffering from depression. If you check it on a lie detector, no lie will come to light.

But, being mistaken in our own feelings, we lose the ability to correctly interpret others. By suppressing something in ourselves, cutting off part of our depth, we distort the interpretations that come from this depth, both in ourselves and in others. By misunderstanding ourselves, we misunderstand others.

What will they think of me?

Sometimes we deliberately tell lies. The reason we hide our feelings and thoughts is the fear: “What will they think of me?” And what stands behind it: “And if they reject me?”

But let’s face it: we have no control over how others perceive us and how they react. By focusing on others, we move away from ourselves. There are more than seven billion people on the planet. The task to please each of them and get approval is overwhelming. Our mission is to express something unique.

If you have the courage to stop hiding the truth, the results can be amazing.

What came about because of you can open the way to the heart of someone else. Your message may be the most necessary person at this moment. It can be a spark, a catalyst, an explosion before big changes. Your message can turn everything upside down and show a path that has not been seen. You can reveal to another person his own. And in the process, discover yourself.

Don’t be afraid of judgment and criticism. If you screw up, most likely no one will notice – people will just walk by. At worst, you will be judged. But it’s not fatal either.

Praise is five points. Swearing – minus five. In any case, it’s not zero.

Why is the truth better than a lie?

Looking into the eyes of any reality is better than hiding from it in a world of illusions. There is no saving lie that gives happiness and peace. Illusions bring only troubles and disasters that could have been avoided by evaluating what is happening with a clear eye.

Truth – even a dull and ugly one – can be turned into a pretty reality. With fantasy, this number will not work.

Each of us has been in the grip of delusions, in the trap of grief or fear, unhappy love or sad childhood. Sometimes it seems that this is forever, but there is a way to get off the ground. It is enough to look deep. And reveal the truth.

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